Masturbation Nation

I just discovered that May is “Masturbation Month”… this makes me sad. Why? Because I believe there should be more than a month dedicated to it. I

Every single guy I know masturbates.  I’ve heard there are women out there who don’t.  They are probably quite uptight and rigid…It’s just not healthy if you ask me.  I understand if you are in a relationship and don’t masturbate……Ok, I’m lying, no I don’t. I believe in a relationship you should still as well.
Answer to the Problems of Our Nation? Masturbation
It’s relatively simple. The act of sex, masturbation included of course, is the ultimate stress reliever.
Depressed? Masturbate. Can’t sleep? Masturbate. Having a GREAT day already? Masturbate to celebrate.
Ladies, having a bad day but have no time to relax? When you get good at masturbation, it is entirely possible to have a quick masturbation session in about 60-90 seconds.  Once you “handle yourself”..I guarantee your day will go a lot smoother!
We would have LESS war if everyone masturbated!!  You feel too good after to want to kill anyone..if anything, you probably just want to chill out for a bit.
“I am in a Relationship, I don’t need to do that.”
Yes. You. Do.
Masturbation is healthy, even in a relationship because it can show you what feels good and what gets you to respond, then you can show your partner. Gentlemen, if you are in a relationship and you have a problem with premature ejaculation…masturbation can help with that.
In a relationship..it only ever really becomes a problem when you’d rather masturbate, than be with your partner…ever.
If you are single, then it doesn’t get any more safe! You don’t have to worry about STD’s and there is no worry about your partner disappointing you in bed.
Overall, solo sex is just…S.M.A.R.T.
S elf
M asturbators
A re
R eally
T errific
Start the Revolution!
So, I believe it’s time to change things up. Not just dedicate a month, but start a revolution. ….and name it “Masturbation Nation”….who’s with me?!
We could change the World! Everyone would be a lot more peaceful!
How do we do this? It’s simple. Educate those around you, make them more aware of themselves.  Maybe even have stickers to pass out that say: “Have you masturbated today?” It’s for the greater good! We can wear t-shirts, have rallies..you know, spread education:)
Ok, so I may have gone off on a tangent… just a tiny bit…but I hope you understand what I’m saying. YOU are beautiful. YOU are sexy…and YOU deserve to treat yourself well…LOVE yourself enough to not be afraid of what the physical act of “loving yourself” will do to your image in your eyes or in the eyes of anyone else.
Be happy, be healthy, masturbate:)

From Party Bus To Potty Train

I was in a reminiscent mood the other day and started going through old emails, photos on Facebook, and any other photo albums I had. I was having a good laugh..old invites to parties, happy hours, party buses, you name it. Photos of us dancing around without a care in the world.

While feeling reminiscent, I noticed some of my old invites to parties were now being replaced with invites to baby showers and weddings. Photos of my girlfriends dancing like it was their job, were now replaced with photos of their kids, their wedding rings..basically all things…. “not single”.
Well where the fuck have I been??..and where was my warning that I would  go from getting invites to a party of the year, to a 1 year olds birthday party?! I started to break a sweat. Looking at my friends, it hit me,more and more are getting married, having kids…or both!


Everybody’s Changing and I Don’t Feel The Same
I’m having a hard time understanding how girlfriends that are my age, are transitioning from “I” to “We” and….quickly!

It’s like I was once surrounded by singles, we flourished! Now however,  in the group of people that I know…”The Single” is becoming extinct…. it’s just marriage lock downs, and babies,babies, babies.
Girlfriends are moving forward with their version of happiness and I’m still in mine. It’s not that I’m not happy for them but I guess I don’t understand it..good thing is,maybe I don’t have to.
See, I’m not really afraid of marriage and children. I want those things… it’s just that I’m afraid of what comes after that.

Growing up what I saw in women with families, was them losing themselves completely… and once they are married, they don’t even go out anymore! I grew up essentially being taught that once you get married and have children, your life is over..and sadly that is still being reinforced because I have seen some of my girlfriends simply disappear because they get married and or have children. Their conversations go from anything worldly to who’s kids are cuter, and how great it is that little Johnny took a shit on his own.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that conversation?

I don’t know if I’m more afraid of the fact that I may lose my girlfriends because we will have less in common, that it seems like so many are transitioning to this next stage and it seems to be rather too quickly, or that when I get to this stage, I may lose myself and become one of those women who drive the soccer mom mini van accompanied by the soccer mom haircut. Can I not keep my sexy single side when I get married and have children?That is an honest and true fear of mine…that when it comes time get married, have children or as I like to call it transitioning to “The Dark Side”, I’m going to resist the force. That, or become completely consumed in it that I’ll look back at old photos of myself and cry myself to sleep because “Mommy used to be hot.” Who knows..they say things change once you have your own kids and when you meet the right guy, all of that falls into place? Well,I have a long way to go before then, but when I do get there, I’m keeping hope alive. I do know some women (maybe 1 or 2) that know how to keep that balance. They are great Moms yet know how not to lose themselves and know how to keep that vibrant sexy thing that makes a woman, a woman, before she is a Mother.. I know it’s ultimately up to me to not lose myself. Here’s hoping…
I may not understand how you got to where you are in your life, but just because I’m not that stage in mine, doesn’t mean I can’t be there to support you. I’ll be there. Always will….
Not because I have to but if I am your friend and you care enough about our friendship that you want to invite me to your baby showers, and weddings, I’ll be there.

Ok, I’m lying….I’ll be there because as a friend I know I have to be, doesn’t mean I have to like it…right now anyway:) I know I’ll find the balance when I need to, but for now, I don’t find the need to trade in my beer for baby bonnets and bassinets.